As part of my 32 before 32 bucket list I wanted to finish a themed one month challenge. Which was why when Silk+Sonder came out with the 31 days of journaling in October, I knew I had to join. And what better way to hold myself accountable than here!
Silk + Sonder is one of my favorite planners that I have ever used. It mixes what I believe to be similar prompts to cognitive behavioral therapy techniques with weekly goals and outlooks. They send you a new journal every month with new themes and prompts. I love it so much, I have been using it for nearly a year now.
The new S+S app houses several different monthly and seasonal bingo challenges, as well as daily ritual challenges. I have been doing the daily rituals each morning, every couple of months since January 2021. I was really craving something new, so with out further ado, I am excited to start the month of journaling!
Day 1: Monthly Intention
Day 2: Presence
Day 3: Patience
Day 4: Gratitude
Day 5: Self-Compassion
Day 6: Stress-Management
Day 7: Visualization
Day 8: Reflection
Day 9: Overcoming Fear
Day 10: Gratitude
Day 11: Legacy
Day 12: Patience
Day 13: Letting Go
Day 1: What Are Your Monthly Intentions?
For the month of October, my intention is to learn about this new version of myself. Recently, I learned that there was more that I wanted to do with my life than just work a job day in and day out. I want to travel the world, live in different cities, meet new people, and try new experiences. But this person to me, while natural as it feels, is still new. There are new wants, interests, and desires I have that I haven't spent time exploring yet. This month, I want to use this once a day journaling exercise to introduce myself to the person I plan to be from now on.
Day 2: What Do You See, Hear, Smell, Taste and Feel Right Now?
I have had a very long day of exploring Fort Worth, I just got out of the shower, I just ate sushi, I spent the whole day walking, and I am back in my hotel room for a minute. I see the sun setting outside the west window from the dining table in the loft. The sky is orange and the clouds are lined in pink. I hear the music down in the AT&T Discovery District. It isn't great music, but it sets the vibe for a Saturday night in downtown Dallas. I smell my shampoo, which is tinted rose gold to keep the color in my hair and smells like fresh, tropical fruit. After walking around all day, I am so tired and worn out. I taste the need for water from my dehydration. I also feel relaxed after being in the shower and like I washed an entire day in the sun off of my body and I am ready to start fresh tomorrow.
Day 3: When Was The Last Time You Had To Wait In Order To Get What You Wanted?
I feel like I have been waiting a long time for a lot of the things I want. I mean, I have been 30 years old for 2 years now, and I live in the same home as the rest of my family. I want a house, but I want to save money and find a location I really want to live. Recently, I have felt anxious in my own skin because I am not entirely satisfied with my life. However, I have gotten out of some bad situations and made the most of where I am right now. So I am patiently waiting to get in to some routine or stability in my life. I think in some ways though, I use patience as an excuse for never starting - for example, establishing some routines in my life. Establishing those routines would present me with some sense of stability. If I don't start practicing that now, I can never expect to have them when I am in a more satisfying living situation. So I think where I need to practice patience is with myself. I have been wanting to lose weight and establish a workout routine. I have also been wanting to establish morning and night rituals. I am not going to be perfect at first, and that's okay - that's where patience comes in. But what I can't do is give up on myself and be so afraid of failing that I never try.
Day 4: Write A Letter of Gratitude To That One Person Who Has Believed In You
Dear Aunt Jenji,
Over the years I have made an effort to be my best self, while self-sabotaging at the same time. I have viewed my hurdles as inevitable growing experiences, without opening my eyes to the fact that I caused them. With you, I have learned my highest potential was greater than I ever could have imagined. I have learned that right in front of me is my answer - that I don't need limits or hard falls purposely placed upon me in order to feel like I have accomplished something. Every experience I have had has shaped me to be the woman I am today, but now it is time for me to live as that strong and brave woman. It is time for me to listen to other's. It is time for me to explore my potential without anything holding me back.
Time has offered me a, literally, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Thanks to your believing in me as a family member, a woman, and a loved-one, I now (finally) believe in myself too. Thank you for kicking off the greatest period in my life and allowing me to leave the rest in the past.
Day 5: Write A List Of Ten Things You Love About You!
1: My communication skills and ability to get my point across with others
2: How much I value integrity (both with myself and others)
3: My new ability to create boundaries with others just by the energy I exude
4: My open-mindedness
5: I have a strong sense of self
6: I am always open to self-improvement (and lately its been happening a lot!)
7: The effort I put in to taking care of my body and mental-health
8: How genuine my connections are with friends
9: I am confident with who I am right now
10: I am learning how to have a positive mindset again
Day 6: Free-Write Everything That Is Currently Stressing You Out
I am light-headed from not eating, but I don't want to eat because it makes me feel sick. I feel like there are a lot of requests on my plate and I don't know how to organize. I have last minute requests coming through with no solution. I am around stress and start to absorb it. I feel like I am alone trying to find answers. I feel like I have to have answers, but don't know where to start. I am worried I am wasting time and not finding solutions because I am too stressed to start. I am worried that the way I present myself seems fake. I am afraid to take a break to take care of myself. I am unsure if I am bringing anything to the table. I am afraid I made a wrong decision and don't know how to analyze it. I am worried I won't find solutions for people. I am afraid to piss people off.
REWRITE: Feeling sick - try to eat and take a break if needed. Taking care of yourself first is the only way you will be able to take care of other people. Then, look at your list of things that need to be done. Prioritize them from most important to least important. Ask for help - you have plenty of resources that already believe you are succeeding. Worried about what others think - I strongly believe that if you don't mean to present yourself in a harmful manner, then it won't be interpreted that way - keep being helpful, kind and positive with others. You have already proven you can handle things that come your way - there isn't any shame in asking for help where needed. If things are bothering me then ask 1) can I control it? 2) how can I control my reaction to it? 3) am I really going to make a decision about it right now? If not, then put it away and revisit it for later.
MANTRA: I am a badass and refuse to act otherwise.
Day 7: Write Down What Your Ideal Day Looks Like From Sunrise to Sundown
I wake up at 6:00 AM and repeat my morning mantra to myself. From there I get out of bed, brush my teeth, wash my face, take my medicine, and make my bed. Then I get dressed for yoga. I walk to the yoga studio, making it in time for the 7:00 am morning flow. After the sweat sesh ends, I head home feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. I shower and change in to an outfit that makes me feel confident, then make a small breakfast and a cup of coffee in preparation of the day ahead. While I eat, I read my favorite book and journal, all outside in the cool, crisp morning air. By 8:45 am, I am ready to start my day. I begin by reviewing my to do list for the day and checking my emails for anything I need to add to the list. By 9:00 am, I am online and ready to work the first half of my day outside!
After a number of morning calls and email exchanges, it's lunch time. I walk to my favorite local health restaurant to grab something easy. I sit outside to eat and catch up with friends by texting or talking on the phone. Once I am done, I head back home to start the second half of my day.
I wrap up my work day at 5:00 pm - with the number of calls and fast-paced problem solving, my day flies by! I change out of my work clothes in to a matching set workout outfit, grab my gym bag, then head out the door. I meet my BFF at the gym near our house by 5:30 pm, where we meet twice a week to get a work out in. Once we are done, we head to the locker rooms to get ready for a girls night out. We catch dinner and drinks at our favorite restaurant, spending the whole time talking about work and guys and all the latest updates in our lives. After we finish, I drive back home to start my nightly routine. I clean the house, close everything up, take my medicine, brush my teeth, read, and do a nightly meditation to help me relax before bed. I am in bed by 11:00 pm and ready to get a good night's rest to start the day all over again.
Day 8: What Is One Thing You Thought You Could Never Do - But Then Totally Did?
When I was 16, I left home and lived with friends. Finishing high school was very hard for me, but when I finally did it, I decided I was done with school for good because it was all too much of a hassle. After a few months though, I realized that I had to continue learning in order to feel fulfilled with my life. So, I signed up for one fall class in 2008 at the nearest community college. I honestly fully expected that I would only take classes here and there to satisfy my need for knowledge, but never planned to get a degree or do anything more in my life. Slowly, as I was exposed to new people through my classes, I started to gain ambition and motivation to do more with my education. While I made goals to get an associate's degree, in the back of my head I felt like this endeavor wouldn't amount to anything. I thought it was just a phase of trying to push myself for a little while, but that I would eventually get bored with my new "hobby" and just give up. Fast forward 8 years - I changed my major twice in that time plus was diagnosed with MDD and GAD, lost my sister in a tragic accident, suffered through some of the worst depression of my life, and was working full-time. Despite all that, I actually graduated from the University of Houston with a Bachelor's degree in accounting in 2016. I truly never thought the little "hobby" of taking a couple classes each year would amount to me pushing myself outside of my comfort zone and ultimately getting my degree. Because of all this, getting my high school diploma was the first thing I never thought I would accomplish that I did. And every degree after that has been an amazing feat that I will continue to praise myself on because I am so extremely proud of my own determination.
Day 9: If Failure Was Not An Option, What Would You Start Right Now?
I think more than anything I would start living a healthier lifestyle. I would have a morning routine and an evening routine. I would work out regularly, cook more and eat healthier. I have tried this before, but I always get side tracked. I have realized the importance of it in my life now as I am spending more time outside of my home. But I am such a perfectionist, I am afraid to start something and not do it perfectly, even something so small. I think I am also afraid of changing myself and my habits, even for the better. But even as I am writing this, I am realizing I don't even have a lot of excuses not to start creating routine in my life. It is definitely time I stop holding myself back and start creating the habits I know will make me a successful, happy person.
Day 10: List 5 Very Specific People, Places, or Things You Are Grateful For
1: My family giving me space in those moments I need grounding
2: Being able to cuddle with my puppy to help calm me down
3: The smell of my fall candles right after I light them
4: Giving back to my closest friends through love, support, and gifts.
5: Sitting at my desk with fresh flowers, a lit candle, and a free page to write
Day 11: How Do I Want to be Remembered?
Without a doubt, I want to be remembered as being strong. I remember about 5 years ago I did a little exercise with my work team where we anonymously wrote down one to two words that best described each person on our team. There were fun things people wrote for each other (like cat lover or food enthusiast) and then deeper items (for example, philosophical, caring, humorous, understanding). I remember getting my card back and seeing the word "bad-ass" on it. It meant so much to me that someone recognized how much I dealt with and how I just kept going. I have fought through a lot of battles, mostly dealing with my mental health and it's vicious cycle. To have people remember me for the strength I have used to overcome it all would mean the world.
Day 12: What Tends To Deplete Your Patience? What Seems to Support It?
A few things routinely deplete my patience: being short on time, people regularly complaining about the same thing, and when others talk down to me. The first two items make me irritated and that wears down my patience, making me frustrated more easily. The last one makes me feel defensive and then my patience disappears. I don't like losing my patience. What supports it is when I understand where another person is coming from, including myself. If I am late for something but am understanding of the circumstances that led to it, I can be patient with myself instead of beating myself up. What I need to do is practice having an understanding of other people's circumstances and use that to fuel my patience for things that can stress me out.
Day 13: I Am Ready To Let Go Of...
Making excuses. I want to take care of myself - every day calls for something different, and part of keeping my patience with that is being understanding of myself. But other times, I use my downfalls (like depression) as an excuse not to exercise, eat healthy, follow my routines, etc. I don't like this for myself. As I continue to improve with my medications, I want to continue to improve my CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques and how I implement those in my day to day life.
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